Random Sunday: Relationships

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I have a confession: I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve liked a lot of guys though, most of them I was acquaintances with and we had our fun, and I almost went out with one of ’em, but that’s it. The sadness I felt for two or three of them was as close to a break up as I’ve gotten. I’ve been on the receiving end of such affection by my cousin’s friends, but the guys never did anything.

Sometimes I feel like the universe is out to ruin me in the love department because every time I’ve liked someone and I feel like things are FINALLY going to go my way, it doesn’t. For all of the false starts and shatter expectations I’ve endured I’d rather not like anyone, but sadly that’s not the case. It’s never been that way. I sometimes wonder how people can have so many ex’s and go through multiple relationships because, dang, what am I doing wrong?? It baffles me that some people always get the person they like, while I’m striking out constantly. I tried not being so interested and that didn’t work, as did being overly interested. I can’t seem to find a happy medium but it shouldn’t be that hard. I’m not the only 26-year-old who hasn’t had a boyfriend and I should feel relieved that others are in the same boat as me, but it’s time for me to get at least a date under my belt (however, I can add “being set up” to my list: I won’t go into the details…but it definitely was not a “date”). Recently people have been asking about my love life, and it takes a lot in me to not get emotional (is that weird?) I did tell a friend to help me find someone, so he said he’d be on the lookout. Hopefully something good comes out of this.

I remember back in high school, when my friends were talking about their boyfriends or ex’s I’d always feel bad and wanted to “be like them” so to speak. I wanted to contribute to those conversations, even if they weren’t always about good things. I could (and still do) talk to them about who I like and stuff, but it’s always negative. I want something good to happen.

My mom told me that she never really had a boyfriend before marrying my dad, so I’m excited that maybe that’ll happen to me too. I would love to forgo five break ups and land The One right from the get go. I’m sure that’s happened, right?

Whenever I get down about a guy or something, I sometimes wish that I wasn’t so crazy about guys. My best friend isn’t, and she’s never had a boyfriend either. But she doesn’t feel too bad about it. At times I want to have her strong will, but I can’t help my yearning for someone and being excited at the possibility of it happening. Starting in high school, I always got excited because I’d think maybe this year I’d find someone. The same thing happened in college, and it’s still going on today. Maybe I’ll be set up? Second time’s the charm, perhaps?

And that’s the great thing about being me, I guess: even though all of this has happened, no matter how many times I’ve cried over a guy, cursed the universe (like above), lost my mind over him, and/or was led on by them and left questioning what I did and didn’t do, I’ve somehow never lost hope that love was never NOT in the cards for me. Deep down that little voice always whispered, “You’re gonna find someone.” It’s still doing that. Am I scared to like someone because of what’s happened before? Oh yeah! But I can set it aside and try again. Maybe I have to tweak my approach, but as I’m typing this I know I’ll find a guy. Not only that, but music keeps my spirits up as well: the cover of “A Sunday Kind of Love” by The Four Seasons is my anthem of finding it; “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran makes me want to ball my eyes out because it’s the perfect definition of it, and “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri has me thinking (and crying) about my wedding day and this sums up all I’ve gone through to get it. “It” being love, of course.

(btw, what I typed up is a very Carrie Bradshaw post haha).

Any other ladies feel the same way, like it’s so difficult to find someone but you know that you will? General thoughts on dating? And is it weird that a woman in her 20s hasn’t even been on a date?! Let me know in the comments!

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