Combating Fear

Over our Valentine’s Day dinner at Goma Tei, my momma and I started talking about me moving. I told her that my plan (as if she had forgotten about it) was to move to LA this year if I didn’t find a job here. She asked me if I was rushing things, and I told her that I wasn’t ready.

But why wasn’t I ready? Was it because I wasn’t not financially ready? (That was true, I didn’t know how I was going to rent an apartment if I moved without a job first, and a guarantor might not be the best, if California required them to be in-state residents). Was it because I really was NOT ready and didn’t feel that things were in place yet? (Also true). What about knowing that I wasn’t not yet “done” with Hawaii? That I still had some unfinished business here? (Eh, not really).

Or was because, deep down, I was just SCARED, in general? (Could be!)

I know it’s important to have a plan (I do, it’s all typed up), but I can’t just go to LA on a whim like my cousin did when he chose to move to Vegas.


Before this all set in, I decided to try and apply for jobs in LA. I haven’t heard back from the four places I took the time to craft relocation cover letters and resumes for. I decided that the only way I was going to get a LA job was to move first, so I’d have an in-state address.

It’s tough to get a job in Hawaii too, even retail, and what if it’s just as bad getting one in LA, as a RESIDENT? I can always let staffing agencies find me jobs, but what if I don’t get those either?!?

Now the “fear” has a reason to be there: I’m scared of being jobless once I move.

What if things don’t work out?

*Takes a deep breath*

I realized that those in the entertainment industry knew that they needed to be in LA to pursue their dream, and did they have jobs lined up beforehand? Nope. They worked from the bottom to get to where they are now, experiencing a lot of rejection (and a serious reality check!) I’m sure they felt scared about the unknown, but didn’t let that phase them because their dream was bigger than that. They were willing to do anything and everything to get their name out there, and when they wanted to quit, they took a step back, formulated a new plan of action, and continued.

I need to be like them.

I can’t let fear get to me. Was I scared to go to grad school? Heck yes! I did it anyway because, well, one, I didn’t have a choice, but I also worked hard to get in. (As you all know it didn’t work out, but do I regret it? Nope).

I gotta at least try and make it as an entertainment writer, and I know where I have to be in order to do that. I don’t want to live my life with regret.


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