One thing that stuck for me during the interview was when one of the editors was explaining how she got started in the industry. She said that she told herself, “Okay, you’re 25 and need to know what you want to do in life.” It only started resonating with me a couple days after the interview…and I started to freak out.
I’m 25 right now, and I don’t have a job and quit my grad program. I may have a bachelor’s degree but apparently that’s not enough in today’s world–my parents really think so, especially my dad. I was given a deadline of June 1 to decide what I’m going to do come August, and I did come up with three “plans” that included taking music classes. I put plans in quotes because we all know that they’re not set in stone.
Most of my friends are either in school (at the undergraduate level), getting their MA, or in a full-time job (real and retail). I’ve come far as to not needing to do retail but at least the ones that are in it have a disposable income!! I remember when I was in college that I couldn’t wait to have a job and now that I’m done and looking for real world jobs the thought of having one scares me. (What if I fail? What if I bite off more that I can chew?)
I thought that I knew what I wanted to do for a career but after quitting grad school and really thinking about why I was in that program in the first place and all of the crap I took from past editors I question my choice of being a journalist. Volunteer writing is starting to take its toll. I want to be in an actual office, talking to actual people, instead of doing everything over email. And don’t get me started on the editor for the magazine I’m writing for (I haven’t been writing because of him…) And yet I’m scared to quit.
Back in 2011 I was doing an internship at a radio station and my supervisor asked me what job I wanted if I could be anything, and I told him a touring musician. (When I was in high school I told my dad the same thing and he squashed my dream, even now). That’s why I chose writing, because he (my dad) was the one who told me that I should do that as a career. I do like to write, honestly, but I don’t think I can do it until retirement!
I’m just a ball of confusion and worry right now. I might have repeated some things in this post that I already blogged about. Sorry if I did that.
I really should take John Mayer’s “Age of Worry” to heart at this point in my life.